Q. What is meant by the new phrase "parenting from the heart?"

A. It is another name for the new concept "parenting from the inside out." It is a wonderful new way to help parents interact effectively with their children.

Today parents interact with their children from the outside in. They ask these questions:

* What can I buy for my child to help him or her do well?
* What can I give my child to keep him or her occupied?
* Where can I take my child for him or her to be entertained?

This is a style of parenting that has grown out of our materialistic culture. This is a pattern of parenting that creates children who keep asking, "What can I get?"

"Parenting from the heart" changes the dynamics. Parents ask from the outside in:

* What can I say to my child that will make him or her feel good?
* What can I do for my child that will make him or her excel?
* How can I interact with my child so that he or she will feel inner strength?

With this approach, parents help their child grow in self-worth. Instead of asking for things, these children never run out of what they can say, do, and create for both themselves and others. They become contributing human beings with the highest of character qualities.

What to Say?

There are two ways to talk to a child that show you believe in and support him or her.

1. Acknowledge your child's uniqueness. Feel free to point out individuality any time you want. Here are some examples:

* "You are easygoing and flexible."
* "You smile from ear to ear."
* "You always finish what you start."

2. Show appreciation for what your child does. Make sure that you always make him or her feel needed, valued, and important. Try some sentences like these:

* "Thank you for carrying my bag."
* "Thank you for holding the towel."
* "Thank you for arranging all the books on the shelf."

Appreciation is most often shown starting with the words "thank you." "Thank you" has a partner, and that word is "please." "Please" shows respect. Respect and appreciation are two main ingredients for building a child's self-esteem.

What to do?

There are three activities that are considered to be at the heart of effective parenting. These are the ones that are correlated highest with school success and later living. These are known as the R, S, and T of parenting. Read, sing, and talk to your child as often as you can.

1. Read
When you read to or with your child, you experience a special kind of closeness and communication. You share interesting thoughts, ideas, and information.

2. Sing
When you sing, you experience joy together. Music affects your mood and provides a pleasant time for you both.

3. Talk
When you talk to your child about what you are doing and invite him or her to join in your conversation, you share meaningful time together. This is a prime relationship building activity.

How to Interact?

The key word is "listen." While you spend time together, listen 70% of the time and speak 30%. That is an important guideline for helping your child to develop both clarity of thoughts and strength of feelings. Mishaps and mistakes of behavior will always happen, but you will be able to guide and support your child best when you listen. Please note this connection: LISTEN ? SILENT.

A child is a special kind of container of love. The more you give it, the more it will take. Love is the real power behind all child success. It is the strength-building fuel that works its power on children from the inside out.

Copyright (c) 2007 Sally Goldberg, Ph.D.

Sally Goldberg, Ph.D., is a parenting specialist in Scottsdale, AZ. She empowers parents to solve parenting issues. With unique personalized workshops and one-on-one consultations in person and by telephone, she gives parents insights related to self-esteem, behavior, respect, ADD/ADHD, self-care, and more. If you would like to contact Dr. Sally, you can reach her at 480-766-6323 or at http://www.drsallyparenting.com